Our child often straddles the very fine line between absent-minded genius, and genetic absence of mind. In particular, despite being a spectacularly unfussy eater who will consume anything, bland or spicy, cooked or raw, liquid or solid, she would completely forget to eat if we didn't remind her to do so.
Consquently, dinnertime, which I make it a point to be home in time for, is always a long, drawn out affair. Full of stories, questions and idle conversation. I love it, but at the same time, it can be inordinately frustrating to sit down at the table at 6:45pm and not be able to leave until 8pm.
The other day however, the experience took on a life of it's own. Dinner only lasted about 35 minutes, but I think my daughter was laughing out loud for 34 of those 35 minutes. Eating at the same time, which is no doubt dangerous, unhealthy and many other things.
She was laughing because her toy doll apparently had to go to hospital with a hurt leg, but then the whole foot fell off and had to be re-attached, but then during the operation, the whole doll broke into "teeny teeny pieces so you needed a microscope to see them" and then when it was re-assembled it had extra arms and heads and a foot on its tummy, a nose on its leg... and, well, you get the picture.
I'm far from the first person to make this cliched observation, I know, but the evening got me thinking that we really don't laugh enough. Just sit back and enjoy life with the wide-eyed revel-in-the-moment innocence of childhood. We articificially restrain and inhibit ourselves with rules and all sorts of societal conformism (does that really mean anything or does it just sound sophisticated?).
What's worse is that if we're not careful, we start imposing those same restriction on our children. We impose our adult-world rules on everything they do. Of course, children have to learn to live in our world, and obey the fundamental rules of civilised society, but it can go too far. We tell them how they should play with a particular toy, as if there's only one 'correct' way. Even lego, the greatest of toys, comes with set instructions, and I see parents almost forcing their child to build precisely what is prescribed therein. Why is it so hard for us to let go a little - and let our children engage in their own way? They've got a lifetime of conforming ahead of them - let them live, laugh and be creative while they still can!
Someone else had told my daughter a while ago what the "correct" way to play with her doll was. Dress her up, hold her, pretend to feed her - that's what you're supposed to do, she was told. I'm glad she didn't listen. I would have lost 34 precious minutes of a laughter-filled dinner, and we would never have tried to see if we could make a "doll-kite". And those are the moments I live every day for.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
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1 comment:
I don't think your premise is clichéd at all; in fact I wonder the same thing all the time. We constantly run around telling each other how to behave, dress, think, feel, and it absolutely starts when we're children. There is such a focus on fitting in and doing the 'right thing', and it can happen in such a subtle way that we don't even realise we're perpetuating these 'social norms' ourselves.
Part of our role as a parent is to prepare our children for adult life; to help them navigate their way into adulthood so that they can stand on their own when we're no longer around to help them. We can't help but instil some social conventions in them in the process. Getting the balance between doing what is expected, what is right for them, and what they truly feel in their heart is the difficult bit.
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